Hopefully the end

So my crazy neighbour came over tonight, well she sent her 10yr old brother over to collect her Wii fit board that was at my house. I politely told him (after her just walked into my house without knocking) that if she would like it, she could come pick it up herself. Only moments later, she came through the gate demanding to get her Wii board back, i told her i had no issue with returning it but would like to discuss when she planned on replacing Xavier's Christmas present that her son fell on and broke. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was part of his main present and he absolutely loved it. It was a toy mower that he pushed around outside, it came with his trike and trailer. She told me she was a week behind in her rent so i politely told her that wasnt my issue and since this toy was broken a couple of months ago, maybe she could give me the money to buy a replacement. She told me that they only cost $15 and when i asked if she'd given that to me she again told me she was a week behind in rent. That's seriously not my problem, love. So i grabbed her Wii board and told her not to worry about replacing the mower as i knew at the end of the day, i'm a better person that she ever will be. I just wanted to slap her. She only came to get it then cuz my friend Tony was here i bet and she's still hung up on him and cant just let it go. She's an idiot!

I'll be so glad when i move from here, and get far away from these kinds of people. They're bogans and sad sad people.

Fake friends, no more

One thing that really bothers me is people who pretend to be your friend when they are really only friends with you, in order to gain something for themselves. Last week i went through my Facebook friends list and deleted all the people in my life that 1. I don't talk to enough to share my 'life' with them online; and 2. are only around when they want something from me, but are nowhere to be seen when I need something. I'm a pretty independent person and will rarely ask for help, or anything really. If I can't do something for myself, then I'll swallow my pride and ask for help. It's something I hate doing, so I'll avoid it if I can.

I don't get how some people though are so comfortable in asking for help from everyone around them. Does it just become so much of a habit, that it comes as naturally as breathing? Do they realise how sad and pathetic it makes them look?

A year ago I became friends with this girl who was a lot like me. Single mum with 2 kids, living on her own etc and we got along great, I thought we'd be really good friends as we had much the same experiences in life and the same attitude when it come to drama, experiences etc. That was until she seemed to only ever visit when she needed help with something on the computer, she needed me to print something out for her sister or she needed to use the phone to contact her ex or sort out some centrelink/child support issue. Months and months went by without seeing each other (we only live a few houses down from one another) and she made a comment to me about catching up. I told her that would be nice as I only ever seemed to see her when she needed something like using the phone, net or a babysitter. I don't think she believed me lol. I'd invite her over and wait at home for her to show up, and she wouldn't. So I stopped waiting. I stopped making the effort and not surprisingly, she didn't make an effort either. If we see each other in town we'll stop and do the whole "hi, how are you? how's the kids? what's been happening?" spiel and then go about our own business. If she drives or walks past we'll half-heartedly wave at one another. Nothing sincere, realistically we're not friends. Friends are there for one another.... friendship is like any relationship - it's a 2 way street of give AND take. Not just one of them. I'm not distraught over the friendship lost, there wasn't much there to begin with, and I'm over the whole pretending. I'm over being soft and letting people walk all over me, so now I've cut ties with friendships that have only ever been one way streets. I don't need them.

Probably even worse would have to be my neighbours, I have gone above and beyond to help them out. Struggling single mums as well, I've looked after their kids so they could do shopping, work out stuff with their ex, have a quiet nite to themselves, cooked them dinner when I knew they were short on food, loaned them money, bought them groceries if they needed it before payday and even let them use my washing machine for months, since they didn't have one. And all i got out of it was a big fat nothing. I don't expect anything back for helping people - I like helping!! - but a simple Thank You would be fantastic!! In all honesty, I haven't heard a single "Hello" or "Lets catch up for coffee" like I used to nearly everyday.... now they have their new washing machine, they have no need for me. *shrugs* Oh well, no great loss for me. At least now I don't have the kids coming over (almost daily) asking to borrow something, or to record some show on tv, or to use the net. I'm free and don't feel obliged to help them. If they struggle now, they have one less person to lean on.... because I won't be there next time. My life seems so relaxed now - less drama, less bitching, less stress.

I'm sure I probably still have a few people in my life still that are pushing the limits of our friendship.... and with time they too may find themselves with one less friend. I'm not bothered though, I have my own rubbish to deal with and I don't need half-assed friends dragging me into their dramas. I feel mostly relieved though that I have weaned these kinds of people out of my life though, I should've done it a long time ago.

On the road to skinny-er.

I don't want to look like a stick insect, but i sure would like to look a little less frumpy than i do right now. I still want to have curves, but less flab. I've come to realise there are some saggy bits that i prolly will never get rid of, but i can surely try to make them a little less horrific lol. I feel so much better now i'm getting my butt into gear and doing something. It's been years since i've been to the gym or done anything more than just walking in the afternoons. Hopefully all this effort will pay off and i'll see my chunky bits disappearing :-)

I'm joining the gym in the not too distant future, walking a couple of laps around the park with a friend (approx 3.2km each lap), walking with my other friend in the afternoons and Zumba 2 nights a week. I may just start to like all this exercising..... now to keep it up and get that weight off. I'd idealistically like to lost at least 20kgs (maybe 30 if i can push it), but it's gonna take a shitload of hard work. Now to knuckle down and get it done. *sigh* It's great being able to do it with friends tho, we can push each other and keep each other from slackening off.

For now tho, my body hurts. After doing my first session of Zumba last nite, and another one tonite (but a bit more full on), i'm definitely feeling it. My back, tummy and legs hurt. It's a good pain tho, i know i will appreciate it if the scales tell me i'm losing those kgs. So far i am already 16kgs down from when i was pregnant with Xavier, 8kgs less than my pre-pregnancy (with Xavier) weight, and about 5kgs heavier than my pre-preg weight with Kailee. It's been a couple of years (when i was going to the gym for 12mths) since i got down into the 80-something kilos. So here's hoping to get get back down to that and even get into the 70's. It's a good plan for now anyway. Baby steps tho.... maybe i'll start with losing 5kgs to begin with :-)

Avoiding that self-sabotage

Sometimes i struggle to deal with changes in my life. I'm a little OCD about, well everything. I like to control things around me, and it's quite an adjustment to let someone else take the reigns and be in control. All too often my life seemed to constantly travel down the same roads, over and over again. Let me give you an example. Most of my past relationships have been very 'physical' from the beginning, whether i was with someone overly affectionate (which drove me crazy) or started out based on sex and kind of evolved from there into something more - that over time, crashed and burned. I have the worst track history when it comes to relationships - and that's pretty obvious for everyone to see. I'm usually the one who gets cheated on or left high and dry thinking the relationship was ok, when it really wasn't from the other person's POV (point of view). Maybe i'm just naive or delirious - or maybe both?!

So it's somewhat refreshing to be in a relationship that isn't fast tracked on the road to "lets get it on". I won't lie and say i don't think about it, or sometimes want it, cuz well, i do. But i'm comfortable with the pace things are going at, and being able to spend time with Matt is what makes me happy. Even when we're watching some lame car show (sorry hunni), going out for dinner or spending time with the kids. It's nice having someone who will listen to my crazy stories, someone who will laugh when i recount some crazy things the kids did or said to me, or just having someone to say they love or miss you at the end of a long day. I'm still getting used to this whole relationship thing.... it's hard after 2 years of being on my own having to remember to consider someone else other than just me and the kids. I'm not complaining though, it's nice having Matt around :-) I look forward to the days i see him, and feel gutted when he then tells me he can't come around because he has other stuff to do. I get over it though, eventually lol.

A friend told me the other week that i tend to "self-sabotage" my relationships and have done for as long as he's known me (nearly 12yrs). While i don't think i have self-sabotaged every relationship i've been in, it's probably true for at least some of them. I'll take part responsibility for some of my relationships falling apart, but i do think there was at least 2 relationships i tried my hardest to hang onto and make work - i obviously didn't do something right, or maybe it was just that i was with a knob. I won't take responsibility for being cheated on, when i thought i was doing the best i could at home to keep my man happy at home. It all boils down to the fact that this relationship just wasn't meant to work, and although i was the one with a broken heart at the end of it, it's made me the person i am today. Now i just have to not self-sabotage this relationship i'm in and see where it goes.....

What we're told and what is real

I've never been one to believe what people say about others. I like to make my own judgements based on getting to know someone myself. But it does make you think. What if there's some truth behind what I'm being told? People can change can't they? Maybe the details have been a little exaggerated to sound worse than they really are.

I like to start with a clean slate when getting to know someone but its hard when that slate has a slight tinge to it from where someone has already tried writing the Story for you and even though you've tried to erase what they wrote, the tinge is undeniably still there. It makes you wonder if this tinge Will affect how your Story is evidently written and how it ends.

For now though, I'll continue to trust my gut and make my own judgements of people. At least then I'm giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's the best thing i think.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

Just quickly.... one of these days "Knob" may just stumble across my blog and realise that her deceitful ways were obvious from the very beginning. Considering i gave her the link to my blog in our conversation - it's only a matter of time before she reads this. Yes missy, i'm talking about you (you know who you are).

I'm wondering how long we can keep this going - her lying, me pretending to believe it. Could go on for months. Oh what a sad boring life I have - amused by morons who have nothing better to do than make up stories. I'm guessing her motive is to see if i want her "man" back - which i'll quite happily and LOUDLY state, i most certainly do not. He's all yours hunni - enjoy!!

I'm not as gullible as i may seem. I just play dumb - and dumb people buy into it.

Tell me you've deleted your facebook - i know you blocked me. Saved me from blocking you (though i still did) *pokes tongue*

So i guess that makes it Jess 1 : Knob 0

Kids and swimming lessons

Yesterday, my little guy Xavier had his catch up swimming lesson. While we were away at Serena's for the school holidays he missed 2 swimming lessons. It's been nice to have him back in the water now that we're home. It makes it even nicer when the weather is so stinking hot. Xavier and I walk into town (well - I walk and he just sits there lazily in his pram) which takes 30mins. It's nice to get out, smell the flowers, hear the birds in the trees, and avoid all the crazy drivers in this town (sometimes easier said than done).

I was amazed when we go to the pool, Xavier just wanted to get down into the water. We had to wait for another baby class to finish before his started. By the time we got into the water and Xavier was happier - one of the school's was at the pool so we had to get out and move to a different spot in the pool. All this rearranging was too much to bear for Xavier and another little boy in the same class. Xavier just screamed and screamed until we got back into the water on the other side of the pool. He was so distraught, poor little boy. He was in such a great mood, he loved going under the water - not once crying or spluttering after drinking the water. He's improving so quickly and amazing me more and more at each lesson. It's crazy to think he's only had, maybe, 6 lessons in total so far.

Kailee has been doing swimming lessons since January this year and she's moving along fantastically. She's just moved up from her "Tadpoles" class and is now a "Frog". Considering at the start of the year, she wouldn't even put her face near the water to blow bubbles in the water, let along swim 3m with her face submerged. Now, she's doing so great - she happily swims 3m+ and is getting really good. She's so much more confident and having such an awesome time in the water. Kailee has another lesson this afternoon, and it's great to see her learning new things each lesson and thoroughly enjoying it.

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If there's something I think all kids need to learn, it's swimming. Personally, i can't swim myself and if i was in a situation where i needed saving, i'd maybe only just be able to save myself. I'd hate to know what would happen if my kids were in a bad situation - that's why i'm so persistant with them having swimming lessons. Although pricey for 2 kids to have lessons each week, i don't want them growing up avoiding pools, boats, the beach etc just in case something happened. You hear all too often about kids drowing in dams, backyard pools etc and i don't want my child to be yet another statistic. So, people... teach your kids to swim, teach your friends kids. The more children that know how to get themselves back to the edge of the pool after falling in, the less distraught parents there are, after having buried their own child. It's too heartbreaking to not take precautions :-)