A new look and new name

Since my attitude to pretty much everything has changed over the past few months, i felt my blog needed a new look - and a new name, now "Loved by Three". I even decided to go through all the messing around that goes with getting my own webpage and uploading my blog to it. Now that was a task and a half. While i've known a little about html and css coding, i've certainly learnt a bunch more over the past 2 or 3 days. Here i was (crazily) thinking it would be a piece of cake, and now i have learnt there is ALOT of tweaking involved. I'm mentally exhausted now lol. Google has become my best friend through this whole process and i have surely become more appreciative of those nerdy guys and girls that get paid to create webpages for people and businesses. This stuff is over my head!!

Anyhow, hopefully everyone likes the new look and the new name. I'm off to find fun and exciting things to blog about. xx

I have legs!

I have always known that i have legs, but now i can feel it. Every little move i make hurts. Its been about 2yrs since i last went to the gym so my first session back on Thursday was a killer. I knew I'd feel it afterwards, but oh my goodness, i feel pain in places i didn't remember could hurt. My arms, legs, knees n even chest hurts. No pain no gain right? I swear i don't even feel this sore after 2 nights of zumba. Walking down just a couple of steps is now a horrendous task. I know it'll be good after a couple of weeks at the gym and i won't be feeling nearly as bad as i do now, but at this point i'd like to stay in bed until my muscles stop hurting.

I have such great intentions of going back and working my butt off again on Monday so i really hope my legs are feeling a little less sore. It'll be interesting to see how Xavier copes in the childminding - poor little guy hates being away from him Mummy.

And the childishness continues...

Most people who know me know that i come from a large family, while my mother had 3 kids my dad had 11. So my previous post about family could have meant either of my 5 sisters...i have no need to mention names, or to be spiteful in that manner. I'm trying to be the mature adult here since no one else seems to be at the moment.

My house phone rang at 11.50pm last nite while both the kids and i were sleeping. The answering machine kicked in and the caller (forementioned family member) nastily demanded i call them back. Not at this hour i won't. I text back n said my 2 kids were sleeping and not to call again at this hour. So what does this person do? Calls my mobile. Telling me to take down one of my blogs or I'll be in trouble with the police for defamation. For starters hunni, i didn't once mention ur name and i doubt they'll care about little me's blog. Again, she accuses me of lying, n carries on like a complete bogan even going as far as to threaten to come around and punch me in the face. Yeah, like that's real mature.

It's no wonder i want nothing to do with them and want to protect my kids from being exposed to that. I used to think my family was pretty awesome, now i see its just messed up. I'm above all that crap though and won't let it drag me down. My life is too good at the moment to let a select few ruin it for me.

Family - or lack thereof

fam·i·ly

* any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins

______________________________________

I'm so over my family. Over the years there has been nothing but drama - backstabbing, fighting, bitching, judging, criticising, etc. Last night, I had enough. After confiding in my mother about my sister's extra-curricular activities, she went back and told my sister what I had said - except she put her own spin on what I had actually said. So last night my sister went off the deep end about something I had apparently said to mum, which wasn't true at all. Now if there's one thing I cannot stand my children being exposed to, it's arguments. I do not like anyone yelling, screaming and carrying on in front of them, and usually if I am going to argue with someone, I will take it to another room so they don't have to see or hear all that hostility. This time though, they saw everything. I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't hold back either. I was so angry that what I had said was twisted around, I yelled and I screamed. I was furious! I haven't been this mad in a long time. So I had my sister yelling at me, then mum was yelling at me and it was just going back and forwards - I told them I wanted to leave. Mum could either take me home or I would walk with the kids. Either way, I was leaving. My sister told me that I could walk and the kids would stay there.... Um, I don't think so!

.

So, I made the decision that if they can disrespect me in front of my kids like that, then they have no regard for my children and don't deserve the right to be in our lives. We don't need this crap. For too long I have dealt with being treated like rubbish (don't get me wrong though, I do my fair share of treating other people like crap too), and yet still helping them out with money and being there for everyone. Now I've had enough. I'm sick of being hurt and feeling like I can't rely on my family when it really counts. I'm sick of feeling let down when they say they can help and never follow through on it.

After telling them to stay out of my life and leave me alone, I get nasty text messages from my mother on my mobile. Then I get nasty Facebook messages from her. Then she makes horrible comments on my best friend, Serena's Facebook page. I could ignore all this childishness until she made the comment to Serena.... that was below the belt. It was directed at something so personal, something that was none of anyone's business. I was so mad I had to walk away from the computer, away from my phone, just so that i wouldn't call my mother or send her a message and tell her just what I really thought of her. I went and did some baking, I hung out the washing..... the anger just wouldn't go away. I messaged my mother and told her she was out of line and needed to remove her comment and quickly before Serena's family (and more importantly, Serena's brother) saw it. Unfortunately, he had already read it - but was mature about it and didn't give her the satisfaction of replying. (You're awesome Chris!!)

As my day went on, I got a few more text messages saying how low I am for getting my friends to attack her (WTF!?!) and how nasty I am. I told her to stop texting me. So far I haven't received anymore messages - thank goodness. Now hopefully I can get on with my night. At least I know I can work off some frustration and stress at my Zumba class tonight. I'm so amazed at how childish some people can be.... I'm over playing nice now though. I'm not going to be walked all over or treated like crap anymore.... it's time I stand up for myself and fight back.

I've said it all before, but...

...I seriously have the most amazing boyfriend!! I'm pretty sure when I tell him that though, it has no effect on him.... he's probably like "Did you only just work this out? I've known like, forever." It won't stop me from telling him though. :-P The more I know about him, the more I fall in love. He's so unlike anyone I've ever been out with - he's driven, he's passionate, he's funny, he's outspoken, he's sensitive (but shhh, don't tell anyone!) and he's thoughtful. When I'm having a crappy day, just seeing him makes me feel better. He has helped me realise that some people just aren't worth all the time I give them and I've stopped being such a pushover when it comes to helping people.

He's restored my faith in love and he's teaching me that I can let someone in emotionally without worrying that I'm going to get hurt. He's teaching me that it's okay to ask him for help - I don't have to try to do it all on my own. He's taught me that I should look forward to the future - plan stuff and make it happen, not just live for here and now. He's showed me what it's like to be loved and to be treated right for once. He's showed me what it feels like to be truly happy.

I'm not worried about what the future may hold anymore, I'm eagerly awaiting it. The kids and I couldn't be happier at the moment, and I'm excited to see what could be just around the corner. It's even more exciting to think that this is a journey I don't have to do on my own anymore, I have someone incredible to venture along with me and that's makes it all the more worthwhile. I can see myself settling down and being incredibly happy with Matt and the kids..... but I don't want to jinx anything. So I'm looking toward our future together. At times I still have a wall up around me, out of fear of getting hurt again, but slowly it's coming down, brick by brick. :-)

I love you, Matt <3

Looking back

Last night, while talking on the phone to my best friend, Serena, trying to find a photo from my baby shower when I was pregnant with my son Xavier I came across some photos that seriously need deleting. You know the photos of people you forgot you had, and then happen to stumble across. I had one of these moments tonight when I found a photo of my ex and something along the lines of "WTF was I thinking?!" came out of my mouth. Serena didn't have to say anything, I already knew what she was thinking - this was something she'd already asked herself AND me a couple of years ago. I quickly deleted the 2 shocking photos that were quickly ruining all the other photos of Kailee's 4th birthday party - and have decided that I seriously need to go through all of my photos and delete any and all photos of him that I have, that don't include Kailee.

With the exception of my son, nothing good came out of that time in my life. I was miserable and too weak to admit that I needed to leave, let alone actually walk out. At the time I thought I was in love and happy but looking back, I wasn't happy at all and I don't think I really knew what love was. I was naive and believed things too easily, and soon found myself on my own again with Kailee, and pregnant with Xavier. I was a mess and it took me a while to pick myself back up and start rebuilding my life. Those people close to me had front row seats to the mess that was my life and although they tried to help, it was up to me to fix things for myself. It took time and a lot of it. I didn't know if I could ever trust someone with my heart again.... but looking back now, I can see it all played a part in moulding the person I am now. Although my life is back together, the cracks are still there - but they show character and I'm happy to say, my heart now belongs to someone amazing. But that's another blog again....

Hopefully the end

So my crazy neighbour came over tonight, well she sent her 10yr old brother over to collect her Wii fit board that was at my house. I politely told him (after her just walked into my house without knocking) that if she would like it, she could come pick it up herself. Only moments later, she came through the gate demanding to get her Wii board back, i told her i had no issue with returning it but would like to discuss when she planned on replacing Xavier's Christmas present that her son fell on and broke. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was part of his main present and he absolutely loved it. It was a toy mower that he pushed around outside, it came with his trike and trailer. She told me she was a week behind in her rent so i politely told her that wasnt my issue and since this toy was broken a couple of months ago, maybe she could give me the money to buy a replacement. She told me that they only cost $15 and when i asked if she'd given that to me she again told me she was a week behind in rent. That's seriously not my problem, love. So i grabbed her Wii board and told her not to worry about replacing the mower as i knew at the end of the day, i'm a better person that she ever will be. I just wanted to slap her. She only came to get it then cuz my friend Tony was here i bet and she's still hung up on him and cant just let it go. She's an idiot!

I'll be so glad when i move from here, and get far away from these kinds of people. They're bogans and sad sad people.