Argh!

First of all let me just state that this post is purely how i "feel" not necessarily how it really is. This is my perception of it, for today anyway.

Some weekends i'd kill for a sleep in. But being the lightest sleeper in the house, i doubt that will ever happen unfortunately. It'd be nice once in a while to just lay in bed and doze back off to sleep after Matt's gotten up to them, organised breakfast etc. I start to think that maybe it's just me that thinks about letting him stay in bed and making him something yummy for breakfast. This morning i ended up on the lounge cuz i just couldn't sleep last nite, getting pushed out of bed, listening to the gruntly and groaning of someone who wanted the bed to oneself. Amazingly the lounge is quite comfy and i was having the nicest sleep until my alarm woke me up (damn you alarm!!) and then there was no turning back. Xavier and Kailee woke up, had breakfast and wanted the tv on. Matt wandered out of bed an hour or so later. Straight outside for a smoke, then lays on the lounge. The usual weekend ritual. I asked if he could organise some breakfast for us (him and I) and i didnt think it would be such a huge task, but its all gone downhill since. He's made himself toast, i started cleaning and we're both snappy at one another. I asked him if we could arrange alternating weekends to sleep in, and he snapped back that he didn't care. Apparently he's not feeling well and doesnt want to have to deal with us right now. Unfortunately, having a family requires you pull your socks up and get on with it at times like this. Logic tells me that if you're in a bad mood, you steer clear of everyone you really don't want to lash out at.

I hate being the scapegoat when there's a bad mood to be had. Somedays i wonder if there's more to being a mum, most days you're overlooked, under appreciated and just plain taken for granted. Rarely, is there a thank you, or a cuddle from someone who acknowledges all the hard work that is done. It really shouldn't be that big of a deal, but sometimes it really gets to me. Am i just supposed to 'accept' it and soldier on?

This weekend was never really off to a good start though, i've got a painful wisdom tooth pushing through and a sore throat from it all. Xavier has finally gotten over being sick and i'm seriously run down. I would love a day where i dont have to cook or clean or run around after someone for most of the day. I just don't see it happening anytime soon. I'm the maid around here, just for everyone's convenience it seems. Maybe tomorrow will be better.... nope, ive got lunches to make, kids to walk to school, swimming lessons, dinner to make, no money to go to Zumba for my 1 child-free hour and plenty of cleaning to do. And yet through all that, be the best girlfriend and mum i possibly can be. It's alot just for one person to have to do alone. Somehow i gotta find a way though. One step at a time. Baby steps.....