Battle of the mind

Lately my head has been all over the place. One minute I'm happy the next minute I'm biting someone's head off. It's hard to explain. I've battled depression for the past 11+ years and somedays it's a harder battle than others. I hate taking a tablet each day to make me feel normal or happy. So instead I exercise, or at least try to. I listen to loud music and I clean. These things usually help. But days like today I just get lost in my own head and want to give up. I'm stressed and completely lose my cool over the smallest things. I feel bad for my family who have to bear the brunt of my bad moods. I don't mean to be psycho but sometimes it unleashes.

Today I snapped at my kids for the stupidest of things - Kailee cried over a ripped homework book and Xavier dropped my laptop. The book is fine, after some minor repairs and the laptop still works, thankfully. Tomorrow is a new day and with it I hope it brings me more patience.

Xavier has been sick at home for the past week and still manages to get into anything and everything. His new fascination is the knife drawer and it scares me seeing him with something so sharp, trying to open a packet of some kind. This boy will certainly send me loopy for the rest of my life. I really need to get some locks put on quick smart. Not a moments peace while he's awake that's for sure.

Most days I know I could try harder, be more than what I am but it just seems so hard and so out of my reach. I'm determined to fight though, I won't give up. Some days I may get a tad lazy and demand a RDO but I'll keep trying. That's about all I can do. I have too much to live for to just surrender and concede defeat.

Look out world, some crazy is on the loose. Positive thinking needs to take over, overcome the negativity and win the battle of my mind. I seriously drive myself insane with the constant back and forwards, from elated to depressed. I just need to make more effort to force some positivity into my head.

So tonight, I think of all the amazing people around me and the most fantastic family I have. It doesn't get much better than this. (well it could but I won't push it!)