To my little brother Jody,
I'm not sure How to start a letter to you at such a heartbreaking time for our family. I can't begin to imagine How ur coping with all of this in there. My heart is broken and i don't think it can be fixed. I miss you all so much it hurts. The only silver lining in this cloud is that I'll see you all again next week. I just hate that it'll be for our little brother's funeral. I'm thinking of you everyday and praying you have people to support you where you are.
The kids and i are doing okay considering the circumstances. Kailee is full of attitude and backchatting - she's definitely a Richardson. Xavier is nearly 2 and getting into absolutely everything He possibly can. Today He came out covered in nappy rash cream he'd found up in the cupboard after He climbed on his toys to reach. It was hilarious and so cute. Messy though. Kailee's in year 1 and loves school though she tells me everyday she wants to quit school. It's hard being 6 i guess.
Mum, her husband Rob, Kyle and Sarah are all doing okay. They'll be up next week as well (except Rob) to see everyone and say goodbye to Douglas. Kyle still hasn't got married yet, they're holding off until they can afford it. As for me i have an amazing boyfriend - not sure if i was with him last time i wrote to you or not - his name is Matt, He's 24 and we met through a mutual friend in January this year. The kids and i moved in with him 2mths after we got together. He now works away in Brisbane and only comes home every 2nd weekend. It sucks but Its only until the kids and i move down there later this year, around Christmas. The kids love him and He's fantastic with them. I can Honestly see myself marrying him and settling down with at least 1 more child further down the track. The distance between him and i sucks but somehow it makes us stronger. I love him like crazy.
This past week have been so hard. I have trouble sleeping and i can't stop crying. I don't want to believe it's true and just want to see our little brother again one last time. When i found out he'd died i felt so alone, i died inside too that night. I've been pushing everyone away, even Matt and been so angry at people. I hate being so far away from all my Richardson family. I just want to be with everyone and remember all the good times we had with Douglas. A piece of my heart is missing now He's no longer with us.
A bittersweet moment happened on Wednesday night though, our little sister Xena found me on Facebook! I don't know if u recall dad talking about her but she's about 5mths younger than Jarvis. He mum had never told her about us and now she lives with her grandmother. Once it was on the news about Douglas her grandmother recognised the name and seeing dad. She told Xena that was her brother. Understandably she's upset she never got to meet Douglas. She's coming to the funeral and will meet most of her brothers and sisters and most importantly dad. She's so excited to meet dad. She's 13 and lives in Rocky. She looks just like dad Did when he was a teenager. She's a very pretty girl and seems so loving and down to earth. She tells us all she loves us and can't wait to meet everyone. I'm so glad she can be at the funeral with us.
I've ordered 15 balloons for us all to release at the funeral (well immediate family). I got the aboriginal colours red, black and yellow. We'll grab some flowers as well. I thought it would be a nice touch. I'm not sure I'm going to hold it together next week. I'll be an absolute wreck, as I'm sure we all will be. I should try and get some sleep. I'm going to finish this letter here and say Goodnight. I miss u little brother and love u like crazy. I can't wait to see u soon babe. Love always ur big sister xX
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